Today I went to Sam's school to help with lunch. Man, there I was thinking I had it all down, even mastering that pesky Capri Sun. Just try to give me one I can't stab! Plus there is that marvelous Lunch Lady who has it all down to a science, minute by minute, of what the schedule is for eating, clean up, clapping hands, lining up, etc. There I was thinking I was in good hands, but nooooo...
Unbeknownst to me, it was the first grade's annual Grandparents Day when the grandparents come to school. (Hence the name -- Grandparents Day.) So they needed to use the cafeteria, and the six kindergarten classes were going to eat lunch back in their individual classrooms. That just means that they needed adults to cover the rooms instead of the cafeteria, right? No problem. Well, that was long before realizing that I would be left ALONE with 22 kindergarteners for THIRTY MINUTES. And you guessed it, the all powerful Lunch Lady was nowhere in sight.
As Sam's sweet teacher left to go eat her own lunch in peace, she handed me a couple of books, mentioning, "If you have extra time, you could read them these." Oh my, I was barely in charge and already gunning for extra credit. Gulp. I really started to sweat, that I'm-taking-the-bar-exam-and-my-life is-on-the-line kind of sweat.
Looking back on my many life experiences, I decided to draw from the Army. This was kind of like being out in the field, right? Yes, I was just deployed to a kindergarten class instead of a war zone, and I was on the front lines to boot. Plus I was both outnumbered and surrounded by Lilliputians. Most importantly, there were no reinforcements and no walkie-talkies.
Thankfully one of my favorite observations from my Army days (daze?) came to mind. Here it is: If you don't what the heck you're doing, act like you do. Then everyone will think you do know what the heck you're doing. Perception is everything. Well, that ploy worked just fine for a while until one little girl (who shall not be named) ratted me out, bellowing, "You were supposed to clap by now, and we were supposed put our heads down! I WANT TO PUT MY HEAD DOWN!" Man, you would have thought I had stolen her fruit snacks.
Of course I was tempted to say, "So go put your head down. No one is stopping you!" Instead I went another route. "Hey kids, as a special treat just for today, you don't have to put your heads down!" They looked at me, stunned. They couldn't decide whether to cheer or be overcome with sadness at the missed opportunity to put their heads down. I'm sure their mothers would be happy to let them put their heads down at home anytime they want, no questions asked.
Then the kids really wanted me to do the Magic Clap Thing that the Lunch Lady does to tame the masses. I couldn't pretend that I knew what I was doing on this one since I didn't, so the kids taught me the Magic Clap Thing. After some coaching and a couple of practice runs, I was up to speed. Order prevailed. The kids were happy to have at least one part of their routine restored.
Then it was time to clean-up, put lunch boxes away, and nudge the dawdler who had barely begun to eat his Keebler Fudge Stripes. And there was still time left for the stories. How was that possible? It seemed like I'd been at the helm for hours. It was time to evacuate, fly a white flag, call for a cease fire -- something! Prolonging it no longer, though, I asked, "Where do I sit?" The kids replied in union, "IN THE ROCKING CHAIR!" Oh, that rocking chair.
Halfway through the book, a vision of loveliness appeared in the doorway. My dream had come true. The teacher had returned. My heart flooded with gratitude.
As I floated down the hallway, my endorphins were still pumping. I gazed at the long line of smiling grandparents running all the way to the lobby. They looked so relaxed, so happy. They didn't have to pretend to know what they're doing because they don't have to do anything. Man, I can't wait be a grandparent.
LibbY
Monday, November 21, 2011
Thursday, November 10, 2011
On Safari in the Blue Ridge
News flash! You can have an "Out of Africa" experience right here in Virginia! The Virginia Safari Park is in Natural Bridge, only two hours and 15 minutes away from good ole Richmond. Take it from me, it is a zoo experience like no other! Now a regular zoo will seem so, well, tame. Holy cow, Batman! There are animals everywhere, and they're hungry!
Where else can you be eye to eye with a llama, antelope, ostrich or elk --if you dare?! As you can see, Dr. Doolittle I am not. It got especially crazy when we tried to move forward. They just trotted alongside the car with their heads still inside the car. Man, that's gotta be rough on your neck! And then every once in a while a huge animal would lumber out and park itself right in front of the car. Roadblock!
So I tried to buck up here, so to speak. Llama alert!
OK, I practically fled the scene when these two came for a visit. Trick or treat! Now you can only see the corner of my jacket. And to think I was the driver... Good thing the speed limit is 5 mph.
Some of these animals could use a serious facial at Elizabeth Arden or at least a Kleenex. Oy vey. Anybody got a wipe? Thankfully his massive rack of manliness made it impossible for him to poke his head inside the car. By the way Rudolph is his first cousin.
And the camels don't have great table manners. This one literally stole the bucket right out of Sam's hands. Ah, the delectable taste of pelleted grain! Good to the last drop! Buckets aren't so bad either as a chaser.
Where else can you be eye to eye with a llama, antelope, ostrich or elk --if you dare?! As you can see, Dr. Doolittle I am not. It got especially crazy when we tried to move forward. They just trotted alongside the car with their heads still inside the car. Man, that's gotta be rough on your neck! And then every once in a while a huge animal would lumber out and park itself right in front of the car. Roadblock!
So I tried to buck up here, so to speak. Llama alert!
OK, I practically fled the scene when these two came for a visit. Trick or treat! Now you can only see the corner of my jacket. And to think I was the driver... Good thing the speed limit is 5 mph.
Some of these animals could use a serious facial at Elizabeth Arden or at least a Kleenex. Oy vey. Anybody got a wipe? Thankfully his massive rack of manliness made it impossible for him to poke his head inside the car. By the way Rudolph is his first cousin.
And the camels don't have great table manners. This one literally stole the bucket right out of Sam's hands. Ah, the delectable taste of pelleted grain! Good to the last drop! Buckets aren't so bad either as a chaser.
Madelyn was at one with the animals just like her mama who was busy taking all of these cool shots. Excellent pics, Lo Lo!
Sam reacted more like me, a bit squeamish with the whole thing. By the end of the ride, he had jumped in the way back to get away from the animals, and pretty soon Madelyn was back there as well. Then they had their own feeding frenzy when they discovered my emergency junk food stash squirreled away back there.
As a result of bucket thieves, we ran out of food for the animals pretty quickly. Madelyn was trying to explain this to a disappointed and hungry friend. I don't think he quite got it.
Thankfully this dude was behind bars. Phew! He seemed a bit agitated.
The setting in the Blue Ridge Mountains is downright stunning, especially with the foliage.
Even through I saw it for myself, it is still hard to believe that this picture of a zebra nursing was taken in Virginia, not Kenya!
The park closes for the winter at the end of November, reopening mid-March. If you can visit the day after Thanksgiving, they are having a charity event called "Coats for Kids." They are donating their entire day's proceeds to purchase winter coats for needy kids in Rockbridge County. Those are some generous animals!
Stay tuned, I'll be writing a full article for Richmond Parents Monthly coming up in the April issue. In the meantime don't try these encounters on your own! Let's be careful out there!
LibbY
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Boo!
Halloween wasn't terribly eventful for us this year. It was fun, mind you, but the rain put a damper on the events -- quite literally. It started to rain right around 6 PM and finished raining by 9 PM when trick-or-treating was winding down for the night. A big bummer for sure, but at least it wasn't two feet of snow, right?
Sam and I hit a bunch of houses in the neighborhood, running into friends and even accidentally dropping in on a few parties. Oopsy daisy! Then after a wet while, Sam wanted to go back to our house to hand out candy. Great idea! At that point Daddy Mac was just getting home from work. He's been working constantly for months now with no let-up, one mega-stressful event after another. Even at that point, he was leaving work way earlier than he should have and would have to get up at o'dark-thirty and head to work to catch up. At least he was spared of the glamor of trick-or-treating in the rain. There's got to be some perks to being chained to your desk after all.
Sam poured out his loot with glee. Daddy Mac and I looked at our mound of leftover candy with not much glee at all, but we dug into it anyway. After all it was there, and so were we. Why waste Milky Ways when kids are starving in Africa? And pretty soon it was time to wrap up Halloween 2011 and hit the hay after a mellow night.
Little did we know the excitement that was about to unfold... At about 1 AM I woke up, needing to go to the bathroom. I really didn't want to get up, so I just lay there thinking about it, procrastinating. Then Daddy Mac got up, so I made myself get up, too, and headed down the hall to use the other bathroom. We've done this many times before, so no big deal.
When I came back down the hall, Bernie yelled at the top of his lungs something like, "WHO ARE YOU?" and lunged towards me. Needless to say I screamed at the top of my lungs, startling him, and then he yelled again. He didn't know that I had gotten up and thought I was a burglar, so he was about to tackle me. Then of course we laughed hysterically at our idiocy. Needless to say, it was awfully hard to go back to sleep after all of that fight-or-flight drama and being scared out of our wits.
On the bright side, Halloween was complete. We'd been spooked.
LibbY
Sam and I hit a bunch of houses in the neighborhood, running into friends and even accidentally dropping in on a few parties. Oopsy daisy! Then after a wet while, Sam wanted to go back to our house to hand out candy. Great idea! At that point Daddy Mac was just getting home from work. He's been working constantly for months now with no let-up, one mega-stressful event after another. Even at that point, he was leaving work way earlier than he should have and would have to get up at o'dark-thirty and head to work to catch up. At least he was spared of the glamor of trick-or-treating in the rain. There's got to be some perks to being chained to your desk after all.
Sam poured out his loot with glee. Daddy Mac and I looked at our mound of leftover candy with not much glee at all, but we dug into it anyway. After all it was there, and so were we. Why waste Milky Ways when kids are starving in Africa? And pretty soon it was time to wrap up Halloween 2011 and hit the hay after a mellow night.
Little did we know the excitement that was about to unfold... At about 1 AM I woke up, needing to go to the bathroom. I really didn't want to get up, so I just lay there thinking about it, procrastinating. Then Daddy Mac got up, so I made myself get up, too, and headed down the hall to use the other bathroom. We've done this many times before, so no big deal.
When I came back down the hall, Bernie yelled at the top of his lungs something like, "WHO ARE YOU?" and lunged towards me. Needless to say I screamed at the top of my lungs, startling him, and then he yelled again. He didn't know that I had gotten up and thought I was a burglar, so he was about to tackle me. Then of course we laughed hysterically at our idiocy. Needless to say, it was awfully hard to go back to sleep after all of that fight-or-flight drama and being scared out of our wits.
On the bright side, Halloween was complete. We'd been spooked.
LibbY
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
One Witchy Mommy
At Sam's school parents can volunteer to help out with lunch. The entire kindergarten, all six classes, eat lunch at the same time. That's a heck of a lot of hungry five and six-year-olds in one place. Kids raise their hands if they need help with anything, very politely might I add. Last month I had done it and heard the cutest comments.
As I opened juice boxes, puddings, and yogurts galore, there were the basic "Who are you?" and "Are you Sam's mom?" kind of questions. Of course there were a few, "My mom forgot to pack my spoon!" and "I need a straw for my chocolate milk!" requests, too. The best part was that Sam was so excited, announcing to anyone who could hear over the din of the cafeteria, "My mom's here! My mom's here!" I'll need to savor that memory when he hits middle school and doesn't want to admit he knows me.
The sweet daughter of my good friend raised her hand, so I headed over to her. Once I got there, she looked up with her doe eyes and said, "I don't need any help. I just wanted to say hi!" As I smiled to myself over that one, the next kid took one look at his opened juice box and scolded me, "You opened it WRONG!" Oopsy! So do it yourself next time, kid! I guess my law degree didn't prepare me for opening a Capri Sun properly. Jeez Louise, though, some of those "ready pack" containers for kids are not only kid-proof but adult-proof as well. That's why on my second visit I used scissors to end the debate.
I picked Halloween to have an excuse to dress up my overgrown child self. Sam wanted me to be a witch because it is so "Halloweeny." Why, yes it is! So I was a witch with a big tall black hat, lots of eye makeup, black lipstick and fingernails. It was hard to miss the witchiness of the ensemble. The kids just stared in awe.
They just weren't quite sure who I was, if I was really a witch, or quite what to make of it. They were hungry, though, and wanted to get their apple sauce opened, so there were plenty of arms flung in the air. As I made the rounds, the kids asked, "Are you a real witch or are you someone's mom?" I just smiled and shrugged my shoulders. Some kids yelled, "You're a WITCH!" (They're the gifted ones.) As I approached Sam's table, he pointing at me, yelling, "Look, here comes my mom! She's a witch!"
The little girl across the table looked over at me and asked, "So what are you going to be for Halloween?"
As I opened juice boxes, puddings, and yogurts galore, there were the basic "Who are you?" and "Are you Sam's mom?" kind of questions. Of course there were a few, "My mom forgot to pack my spoon!" and "I need a straw for my chocolate milk!" requests, too. The best part was that Sam was so excited, announcing to anyone who could hear over the din of the cafeteria, "My mom's here! My mom's here!" I'll need to savor that memory when he hits middle school and doesn't want to admit he knows me.
The sweet daughter of my good friend raised her hand, so I headed over to her. Once I got there, she looked up with her doe eyes and said, "I don't need any help. I just wanted to say hi!" As I smiled to myself over that one, the next kid took one look at his opened juice box and scolded me, "You opened it WRONG!" Oopsy! So do it yourself next time, kid! I guess my law degree didn't prepare me for opening a Capri Sun properly. Jeez Louise, though, some of those "ready pack" containers for kids are not only kid-proof but adult-proof as well. That's why on my second visit I used scissors to end the debate.
I picked Halloween to have an excuse to dress up my overgrown child self. Sam wanted me to be a witch because it is so "Halloweeny." Why, yes it is! So I was a witch with a big tall black hat, lots of eye makeup, black lipstick and fingernails. It was hard to miss the witchiness of the ensemble. The kids just stared in awe.
They just weren't quite sure who I was, if I was really a witch, or quite what to make of it. They were hungry, though, and wanted to get their apple sauce opened, so there were plenty of arms flung in the air. As I made the rounds, the kids asked, "Are you a real witch or are you someone's mom?" I just smiled and shrugged my shoulders. Some kids yelled, "You're a WITCH!" (They're the gifted ones.) As I approached Sam's table, he pointing at me, yelling, "Look, here comes my mom! She's a witch!"
The little girl across the table looked over at me and asked, "So what are you going to be for Halloween?"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)