Toy Story 3 - Cruel and Unusual

     We're big, big fans of Toy Story 1 and 2, so we were really excited (myself included, I admit) to see Toy Story 3.  Three times was definitely not a charm in this case.  Instead it was a colossal disappointment.  Since Sam's still afraid of the movies after seeing R-rated previews before a G-rated movie (another rant entirely), I bought the movie right away when it came out on DVD since I figured we would watch it over and over and -- you get the picture.  I had heard it was a little sad as Andy was growing up, but it still sounded like a sweet plot line.  You have to have some sort of conflict to create a story and have some resolution, right?

    
     Oh my.  It was anything but sweet.  In fact, it was chilling, dark, and quite depressing in a chilling and dark kind of way.  Ugh.  It's hard to choose among my least favorite scenes, but one comes right to mind that was at the beginning, setting the bleak tone.  Andy has loaded up all the toys except Woody into a garbage bag headed for storage in the attic.  However, he gets distracted and the bag accidentally gets diverted to the trash, and the bag is knotted shut like a hangman's noose.  The toys freak out in full-blown panic, screaming, "Help!  I can't breathe!  Help me!  Help!"  It was just awful.   And this is considered age-appropriate entertainment for small children, watching their beloved characters suffocate to death?!  Whatever happened to Lassie saving the day?  How about good ole Elmo making kids feel more comfortable with just about every topic?  Let's bring back Donald Duck who just sputters away, making kids laugh

     Then it managed to get even worse.  You could hear the angry rumbling sounds of the mammoth garbage truck as it began to lurch down the street, ready to grind those poor frightened toys into astroturf in seconds.  Are you kidding me?   And if you are, this is a cruel joke.  In the words of the reporter observing the Hindenberg disaster, "Oh, the humanity!"  Was this really necessary to create a plot?  I'm no screenwriter, but I don't think so.  I looked over at Sam who was awfully quiet and quickly realized it was because he was crying so hard he couldn't talk.  Nice.  Thanks for the memories, Pixar!  OK, let's fast forward, get the popcorn out, and regroup for this wholesome family film.  In retrospect, we should have not been so optimistic.

     A bright note - the toys do avoid being suffocated and/or ground to smithereens.  Phew!  However, the misery deepens to an even lower level.  They get schlepped off to a day care that happens to provide tender loving care to the world's most awful and abusive brats.  Sam has never gone to a day care center, so what kind of impression does that give him of one?  I was offended for all day cares and the parents who use them that they would be portrayed in such a horrible stereotype.  What were they thinking?!

     All right, here is the main course of my "beef" with this disturbing movie and then I will hopefully delete it from my memory.  When the toys arrive at the day care, they are greeted by this huggable ole pink teddy bear named "Lotso."  This soft-spoken grandpa-type calms the toys down and welcomes them to the wonderful room he has selected for them.   Aaaah!  Maybe we can all finally relax!

     No, definitely not because this seemingly sweet bear turns out to be a ruthless and manipulative evil monster disguised in a pink bear suit.  Yes, you need to have a "bad guy"in every story, and kids love that stuff!  However, this was a whole new kind of mean that Sam had never encountered.  Up to this point, a bad guy is a bad guy is a bad guy.  It was clear cut.  However, this new-style bad buy was one who appeared on his cuddly exterior to be kind and sweet as cotton candy.  In reality, he was secretly evil and setting the trusting toys up for destruction.  It was downright creepy and unnerving even for me.  Sam was horrified leading to more fast forwarding, more crying so hard he couldn't communicate, etc.  Way to go, Pixar!

     The worst scene of all was when they show how Lotso became so incredibly cold and cruel.  Get your hankies out!  He had once been a tiny girl's favorite bear but was accidentally left behind at a rest stop.  He trudged for 100 miles through the dark, rain, and cold to get back home to the little girl.  When he arrived eagerly on her windowsill, he was horrified to observe that he had been replaced!!  There was the little girl tenderly hugging her new Lotso bear, and something broke in him.  Now who is the  demented soul that thought that story line up and thought it would be a great idea to present to small kids?

     Sam was apoplectic, couldn't stop crying, and was scared to go sleep.  "I don't ever want to see this movie ever again!" he declared.  I'll second that.  In fact, I'm looking forward to putting it in a trash bag, tying a knot around it, and letting the garbage truck come grind it up.  I hear that Toys R Us now sells "Lotso, the huggin' bear."  That creep better not come near us or he'll being seeing a live Mama Grizzly action figure!

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