Sippy Cup Hell

Oh, do I ever hate sippy cups!  Don't get me started, but I've already gotten myself started.  So it's too late, my friends, like crying after spilled Juicy Juice.  Seriously, those dang cups are the bane of my existence, always lurking out there ready to soggify anything and everything in its path.  (In case you are wondering, I did make up the verb "soggify," meaning "to make soggy."  It's a cool sounding word, isn't it?  Soggify?)  

Anyway, despite all of the clever marketing promises of "air-tight freshness," I have yet to encounter one sippy cup that doesn't leak just when you least expect it -- all over the inside of my pocketbook, Sam's school bag, the back seat, the car seat, and so on.  And yet as much they never seem to work the way they are supposed to, I still find myself surveying them all at Target and Walmart, cross-comparing the two selections.  Inevitably I relent.  

I buy one of each brand, starting the cycle all over again, hoping, praying that they've improved since the last time I bought one.  What a racket!  At six dollars a pop, it's a lot for something that has caused MOLD grow inside of my favorite brown bag, bad enough that I had to toss it in the garbage.  Honest to God, it wasn't even fit for Goodwill once the sippy cup was done hemoraging watered-down apple juice all over the lining which soon sprouted an unidentifiable white fuzz.  Yick! 

Let's face it though, we're all stuck with these incompetent sippy cups.  There really isn't much of an alternative, is there?  No lid at all?  Juice boxes?  Every right-minded toddler squeezes them to see the fake juice ooze all over everything like Mount St. Helens erupting...  Oh, and to avoid that catastrophe, you can purchase a special Sponge Bob juice box HOLDER for a mere $5 to put the juice box in.  What a deal!  I am embarrassed to admit that I did buy one, and the Saminator slid the juice box out of there in two seconds flat and was squirting away.  And by then it was too sticky to return.  Go figure.  

When you think about it, it all must be a conspiracy among the sippy cup manufacturers.  See, since all sippy cups are worthless, people will buy MORE of them, desperate to find that one elusive sippy cup that will actually do the job as advertised.  And then they buy MORE and MORE and MORE of them, like feeding quarters into a Vegas slot machine.  

Folks, there is some serious job security for those involved in this clandestine industry conspiracy to provide sub-par sippy cups.  In fact, they have all probably been getting raises and promotions based on the high sales.  But we're on to them now, aren't we?  Maybe we should put the question to the presidential candidates, since they seem to have a debate every night. No, no one is going to want to touch this sticky subject.

LibbY